Sheldon-ismsThis is a featured page

A place to post all the crazy things our favorite theoretical physicist says and does that makes us laugh out loud.


sheldon cooper
  • The contents are irrelevant. A legal bailment has been created. Does that mean nothing to you? -The Work Song Nanocluster
  • Penny, everything is better with Bluetooth. -The Work Song Nanocluster
  • Gravity would have been apparent to me without the apple. -The Cooper Hofstadter Polarization
  • Bazinga
  • Well, today we tried masturbating for money. -Pilot
  • Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun’s apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality. -Pilot
  • You did not "break up" with Joyce Kim. She defected to North Korea. -Pilot
  • Ah gravity, thou art a heartless b****. -The Big Bran Hypothesis
  • Explain to me an organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid. I'm just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests the coffee table is having a tiny garage sale. -The Big Bran Hypothesis
  • I am truly sorry for what happened last night. I take full responsibility and I hope it won’t color your opinion of Leonard, who is not only a wonderful guy but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover. -The Big Bran Hypothesis
  • At least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so that you don't crash into geek mountain again.
  • I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble Telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.
  • There's always the possibility that alcohol and poor judgment on her part might lead to a nice romantic evening.
  • There wouldn't have been any ass kickings if that stupid death ray had worked. -The Luminous Fish Effect
  • Oh, I'm sorry. Did I insult you? Is your body mass somehow tied into your self worth? -The Luminous Fish Effect
  • Do you realize I may have to share a Nobel Prize with your booty call? -The Hamburger Postulate
  • Of course I'm listening. Blah blah, hopeless Penny delusion, blah blah blah.
  • I'll watch the last 24 minutes of Doctor Who, although at this point it's more like Doctor Why Bother. -The Dumpling Paradox
  • No, I’m going to ask him to choose between sex and Halo 3. As far as I know, sex has not been upgraded to include high-def graphics and enhanced weapon systems. -The Dumpling Paradox
  • [Darn] you, Walletnook.com.
  • I understand, but it was between you and the Museum of Natural History, and frankly, you don't have dinosaurs.
  • Forget your suit. Look at my arms flailing. I'm like a flamingo on Ritalin. -The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization
  • Well, there's always the possibility that a trash can spontaneously formed around the letter, but Occam's Razor would suggest that someone threw it out. -The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization
  • I don’t guess. As a scientist I reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation. Although, as I’m saying this, it occurs to me that you may have been employing a rhetorical device, rendering my response moot.
  • Artificial intelligences do not have teen fetishes.
  • I don't know... but if cats could sing, they'd hate it too. -The Loobenfeld Decay
  • We have no idea what pathogen Typhoid Penny’s introduced into our environment. And having never been to Nebraska I’m relatively certain that I have no Corn Husking antibodies. -The Pancake Batter Anomaly
  • Obviously you're not well-suited for three-dimensional chess. Perhaps three-dimensional Candyland would be your speed. -The Pancake Batter Anomaly
  • While Mr. Kim, by virtue of youth and naiveté, has fallen prey to the inexplicable need for human contact, let me step in and assure you that my research will go on uninterrupted, and that social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse me.
  • Engineering: where the noble semi-skilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello, Ooompa-Loompas of science.
  • Yes, well, I’m polymerized tree sap and you’re an inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns to its original trajectory and adheres to you.
  • Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?
  • At this point I should inform you that I intend to form my own team and destroy the molecular bonds that bind your very matter together and reduce the resulting particular chaos to tears. -The Bat Jar Conjecture
  • One more thing. It’s on, b****.
  • Dibs does not apply in a bidding war. -The Nerdvana Annihilation
  • In a Venn diagram, that would be an individual located at the intersection of the sets “no longer want my Time Machine” and “need 800 dollars”. -The Nerdvana Annihilation
  • It only moves in time. It would be worse than useless in a swamp. -The Nerdvana Annihilation
  • I disagree. Your inability to successfully woo Penny long predates your acquisition of the time machine. That failure clearly stands on its own. -The Nerdvana Annihilation
  • They were not “friends”. They were imaginary colleagues. -The Pork Chop Indeterminacy
  • What twelve year old boy wants a motorized dirt bike? -The Peanut Reaction
  • What computer do you have? And please don't say "a white one." -The Peanut Reaction
  • Actually, I thought the first two renditions were far more compelling. Previously, I felt sympathy for the Leonard character. Now I just find him to be whiny and annoying. -The Tangerine Factor
  • Oxen are in my bed! Many, many oxen! -The Tangerine Factor
  • If you're having trouble deciding where to sit, may I suggest "One Potato, Two Potato." Or as I call it, the Leslie Winkle experimental methodology.
  • Everybody's got a date. Even you, Mario, going after Princess Peach. And what am I doing? I'm just enabling you
  • If you have time to Lean, you have time to Clean. -The Big Bran Hypothesis
  • If I may be permitted to speak again, Doctor Sheldon Cooper for the win.
  • Mom smokes in the car. Jesus is okay with it but we can't tell Dad. The Bad Fish Paradigm
  • Oh, the simulated horror! The Pants Alternative









Jasperemerald23557
Jasperemerald23557
Latest page update: made by Jasperemerald23557 , Jan 17 2011, 1:54 PM EST (about this update About This Update Jasperemerald23557 Edited by Jasperemerald23557

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